I saw this on the newspaper and I thought I'd share with you guys..
The Oscar Wilde Skit
by Monty Python
Scene: Oscar Wilde’s drawing room. A crowd of suitable dressed folk are engaged in typically brilliant conversation, laughing affectedly and drinking champagne.
Prince of Wales : My congratulations, Wilde. Your latest play is a great success.
Oscar: There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
There follows 15 seconds of sycophantic laughter.
Prince: Very, very witty… very very witty.
Whistler: There is only one thing worse than being witty, and that is not being witty.
Fifteen more seconds of the same.
Oscar: I wish I had said that.
Whistler: You will, Oscar, you will.
Oscar: You Majesty, have you met James McNeill Whistler?
Prince: Yes, we’ve played squash together.
Oscar: There is only one thing worse than playing squash together, and that is playing it by yourself. (Silence.) I wish I hadn’t said that.
Whistler: You did, Oscar, you did. (A little laughter)
Prince: You realty must forgive me, Wilde, I’ve got to get back up at the palace.
Oscar: Your Majesty is like a big jam doughnut with cream on the top.
Prince: I beg your pardon?
Oscar: Um… it was one of Whistler’s.
Whistler: I never said that.
Oscar: You did, James, you did.
The Prince of Wales stares expectantly at Whistler.
Whistler: Er… Well, Your Highness, what I meant was that, like a doughnut, um, your arrival gives us pleasure and your departure only makes us hungry for more. (Appreciative laughter.) Your Highness, you are also like a great stream of bat’s piss.
Prince: What?
Whistler: It was one of Wilde’s one of Wilde’s.
Oscar: It sodding was not! It was Shaw!
George Bernard Shaw: I… I merely meant, your Majesty, that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.
Prince: (Accepting the compliment.) Ah!
Oscar: Right. (To Prince) Your Majesty… is like a dose of clap! (Points at Whistler)
Whistler: Uh, that is… before you arrive is pleasure, and after, the pain is in the dong.
Prince: What?
Oscar and Whistler: One of Shaw’s, one of Shaw’s.
Shaw: You bastards! Um… what I meant, Your Majesty, what I meant…
Oscar: We’ve got him, Jim.
Whistler: Come on, Shaw.
Oscar: Come on, Shaw-y.
Shaw: I merely meant…
Oscar: Come on, Shaw-y…
Whistler: Let’s have a bit of wit, then, man.
Shaw: (Blows a raspberry)
The Prince shakes Shaw’s hand. Laughter all around.
