The Oscar Wilde Skit

I saw this on the newspaper and I thought I'd share with you guys..

The Oscar Wilde Skit
by Monty Python

Scene: Oscar Wilde’s drawing room. A crowd of suitable dressed folk are engaged in typically brilliant conversation, laughing affectedly and drinking champagne.

Prince of Wales : My congratulations, Wilde. Your latest play is a great success.

Oscar: There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

There follows 15 seconds of sycophantic laughter.

Prince: Very, very witty… very very witty.

Whistler: There is only one thing worse than being witty, and that is not being witty.

Fifteen more seconds of the same.

Oscar: I wish I had said that.

Whistler: You will, Oscar, you will.

Oscar: You Majesty, have you met James McNeill Whistler?

Prince: Yes, we’ve played squash together.

Oscar: There is only one thing worse than playing squash together, and that is playing it by yourself. (Silence.) I wish I hadn’t said that.

Whistler: You did, Oscar, you did. (A little laughter)

Prince: You realty must forgive me, Wilde, I’ve got to get back up at the palace.

Oscar: Your Majesty is like a big jam doughnut with cream on the top.

Prince: I beg your pardon?

Oscar: Um… it was one of Whistler’s.

Whistler: I never said that.

Oscar: You did, James, you did.

The Prince of Wales stares expectantly at Whistler.

Whistler: Er… Well, Your Highness, what I meant was that, like a doughnut, um, your arrival gives us pleasure and your departure only makes us hungry for more. (Appreciative laughter.) Your Highness, you are also like a great stream of bat’s piss.

Prince: What?

Whistler: It was one of Wilde’s one of Wilde’s.

Oscar: It sodding was not! It was Shaw!

George Bernard Shaw: I… I merely meant, your Majesty, that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.

Prince: (Accepting the compliment.) Ah!

Oscar: Right. (To Prince) Your Majesty… is like a dose of clap! (Points at Whistler)

Whistler: Uh, that is… before you arrive is pleasure, and after, the pain is in the dong.

Prince: What?

Oscar and Whistler: One of Shaw’s, one of Shaw’s.

Shaw: You bastards! Um… what I meant, Your Majesty, what I meant…

Oscar: We’ve got him, Jim.

Whistler: Come on, Shaw.

Oscar: Come on, Shaw-y.